I'm On The Spectrum, Bitch.

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Kim Kardashian talking about cleansing makes me think she's going start going on about how good it is to get a colonic, because she's known for her ass and shit. I had to look up 'colonic' to make sure I was using the right word: I mean, I could've just wrote 'enema', but enemas are, like, for old people in hospitals, colonics are for rich people worried about what is in their ass and shit. And there was a lot of talk back in the day about Kim's sex-tape and whether she took it in the ass or not, a lot of people thought she did, and a lot of people said she didn't. Because you really can't tell from the video, you can only see her ass, not what's between her ass, and then it shows her face a lot, but you can't tell from her face if that's a 'I'm being fucked in the ass' face or just a 'I'm being fucked' face, because it seems like she might be on drugs, too. And, like, I don't want to make it sound like

Like, I don't have a problem with what she is saying about hotels and shampoo and shit. I mean, hotel shampoo doesn't really mean much, but if I spent two-hundred-dollars on a room maybe I'd want to think they thought of me and my hair as a customer, too, when they stocked their shit. But I get it: they can't stock enough shit for everybody and their needs, so someone's always going to feel left out and shit. But it probably sucks to feel left out of things other people take for granted. Like, in the hotel bathroom there are hand towels, but maybe you lost a hand in, like, an industrial accident or some shit like that, and now they got a hand towel right there and you're missing a hand, and it's like, thanks for rubbing it in, right? I can see shit like that happening. And maybe the hotels are afraid that, if they had shampoos for black people's hair, black people would just take it home with them because it's, like free shampoo. But I think whit

I saw this Tom Brokaw molester shit yesterday, so I was figuring Althouse would do a big post on it, like take him apart line by line and trace the history of words and shit. I don't know, maybe she will do that later, it might be, like, lunch-time in Wisconsin. Because I don't even know what time zone Wisconsin is in, I only know the east coast is, like, three hours ahead of Washington, and then there's that daylight-savings time and shit, and Wisconsin is somewhere in the middle. Anyway, I wrote my first thoughts on the Brokaw molester shit here: Anyway, I think Tom Brokaw's that kind of guy -- like, not a child molester, but that he treats chicks like a child molester treats children before he fucks them after they look at the secret magazines with their pants off. But now I see that a bunch of big-time journalist chicks have written a letter, like, supporting him and shit, and that gets me confused. Because I thought a dude treating chicks like a child molester

I think I read somewhere that one of the reasons people are jumping Tom Brokaw's shit is that he tickled a chick he worked with back in the day. And I find that kinda funny, because he seems like he's one of those pussy dudes who thinks he's, like, a feminist, but then he goes and tickles a chick like a child molester does with a nephew before taking him into the back bedroom to look at secret magazines with their pants off, while everyone else is out in the yard having a barbecue for grandma because she's still alive on her birthday and shit. Anyway, I think Tom Brokaw's that kind of guy -- like, not a child molester, but that he treats chicks like a child molester treats children before he fucks them after they look at the secret magazines with their pants off. And I think I think this because people who tickle other people who didn't ask to be tickled are fucking shady. Because tickling is, like, trying to get a response that's kinda sexual while bein

I've seen the Gautier chick-torso perfume bottle before, and now there is the Kardashian chick-torso perfume bottle, and I notice that they always take the picture of the bottles from a front angle. Like, they don't want you to get a good look at the bottle's ass, I guess. Which doesn't make much sense to me because the ass is a pretty good part of a lot of chicks. And Kim Kardashian is pretty much known for her ass. I mean, what does she show in her pictures on Instagram and shit? Her ass. What position was she in for most of her sex tape? Face Down Ass Up. So you would think the bottle would be, like, a celebration of her ass, but maybe that's why I don't work in advertising, I think almost all packaging would work better if it reminded you of a hot chick's ass. And maybe the chicks who buy perfume don't want Kim's ass, like, in their face and shit. Because maybe it makes them all self-conscious of their own ass, which may be flat or pimply or

"...suggest 'a consciousness of wrongfulness, if not illegality'..." I read a lot of 4chan, so I think I'm pretty able to recognize 'a consciousness of wrongfulness', because that is pretty much what 4chan is, really. But I don't much like the idea of that being tossed around as a reason to jump someone's shit, because the people who think they recognize wrongfulness in other people are usually, like, assholes. And these people are assholes in, like, a pretty fucking unAmerican way. Because being an asshole is pretty American when it's done right. Like, nuking Hiroshima was kind of an asshole thing to do, but it was asshole in a good way, because it got the shit done that needed to get done. But the kind of asshole who goes around being a Thought Police bitch, like, sucks ass. Because maybe I'm being wrong sometimes, but I think there's something in the Bible about a mote in one dude's eye and, like, a telephone pole or shit i

I think seeing dogs have sex can give you autism and shit. Because, like dogs are cute, and then now you see one plowing another from behind, and you're just a kid, you don't know what the hell is going on. And you trusted dogs, you like petted them and shit, but now you see that all-of-a-sudden they can do whatever the fuck they were doing, and it makes it hard to let people get too near you after that. Like, don't go jumping on my back and start doing that shit, and don't be making those sounds they were making, okay? This probably happens, too, if you're a kid and it's night and you walk into your parents' bedroom while your dad is banging your mom from behind. Or it isn't even your dad, it's some dude you haven't even seen before, and he's all scrunching his eyes and shit and your mom is grabbing at the sheets with her fists, and the room smells like cigarette smoke and shit. There's a movie I once saw on TV about a dude who p

Maybe canine autism isn't real, but I know being on the spectrum makes me like sex doggy-style. Really. Because then I don't have to look the chick in the eyes, I'm just in the back, banging her. And after we're done banging, and we're just lying there on the bed and shit, I, like, appreciate it if she lays facing the other way, it's much easier, I don't all-of-a-sudden feel like I need to strangle her so she will stop looking at me. I mean, I wouldn't actually strangle her, I'm not a strangling-chicks kind of guy, but the thought gets in my head, you know? Like if you were at a crowded party and you thought to yourself, you know, if I, like, had a baseball bat I think I would just run around the room, swinging the baseball bat and shit.  I guess I don't like parties much. I did once bang a chick who liked you to put your hands around her neck while you were fucking her, they got a word for that I think. But when I put my hands around her

Like, they give pretty much the same shots and shit to cats like they do to dogs, right? So is anyone concerned about feline autism? Sure, make your jokes. All cats are autistic, right, shit like that. But maybe my cat and me being on the spectrum together gives us, like, a bond and shit. Because sometimes I don't want to make eye contact, either. And maybe I don't trust, like, social interaction. Just leave me the fuck alone sometimes and let me stare out the window, okay? But I don't think dogs get autism, though, I just think some dogs are only, like, retarded and shit.

I've been thinking about this more, and the fact that I've never masturbated to a naked picture of a dwarf chick maybe means I'm a bad person, maybe. Like, I'm discriminating against dwarf chicks by not filling a sock about them and shit. But if I make a conscious decision to jerk off to a picture of a naked dwarf chick spreading her ass cheeks and showing her asshole, I would think that means I'm picking her out just for her size, and then that maybe means I'm a bad person, too, because I'm, like, objectifying her and shit. This all gets confusing. I don't think I'm racist when I masturbate though, because I have filled a lot of socks over Japanese chicks dressed in that Japanese schoolgirl shit, and I got off just fine, I don't think that racism, like, affected me shooting my load and shit. I mean, the Japanese chicks weren't even being fucked by tentacles or anything, not that I have a particular thing about Japanese chicks getting fuc

So I had to look up this "hypersexuality" thing, because I thought I might know what it means, but maybe there was also some other good shit with it, too. But it's pretty much just what I thought it was, it isn't like you can also pop out a quart or anything when you shoot your load. Anyway, when I looked it up the first few links were to articles talking about stereotypes of black people, which I kinda expected, because black men are supposed to really like a lot of sex, which is cool. And they say that's a stereotype and shit, but most of the rap songs I listen to have black dudes going on about banging strippers and shit, so I don't know if it's a stereotype when they say it, too, it gets confusing about who can say shit about who without getting your shit jumped. But then a few links down was one that said: "Asians stereotype whites as promiscuous and hyper-sexual - Tremr" And I thought, like, that fucking rocks. Because it's nice

This whole shooting thing sucks. Like, this Travis guy, without all the shooting shit, he sounds like he'd be cool to party with. I mean, who doesn't like Dairy Queen? And it would be a fucking blast, chasing Taylor Swift all around town and shit. I picture Taylor running around in, like, a little red dress, and Travis running after her and not wearing pants, that would fucking rock. Because why does everyone probably automatically think that Taylor Swift wasn't, like, really stalking the dude? I mean, is it that hard to picture a celebrity picking a dude at random and just fucking with him, just because she can and shit? Because when you're a celebrity you can do all the 4chan shit, but you can do it for real, with real people. Still, just because Taylor Swift is stalking you doesn't, like, give you the right to shoot people. I thought dudes would've learned that after the Jodie Foster shit, but that was a long time ago, I guess, back before Jodie Foster

So Shania turns her back on the straight dudes who jerked off into socks looking at her videos, but meanwhile that Morrissey dude from the Smiths is pissing off all his twee-fuck fans by coming out against the pussies who call everybody racist, it's like the Nineties just got played backwards. I mean, who were the people who loved Morrissey? The goth chicks, the sensitive gay dudes, the outcast dudes and the outcast chicks who hung out with those goth chicks and sensitive gay dudes hoping they might get laid if they liked Morrissey, too, right? And now they're all sad and shit because, as a famous vegan, he's against the slaughter of animals and includes Islam and halal in his, like, criticism. So, they loved him as a vegan, but not as a vegan that doesn't give Muslims an exception for slaughtering animals and shit, now he's a hater and they're pissed off they ever had his face tattooed on their fat-chick arms and tits. Really, there's pictures of peop

I don't get it. I mean, Shania Twain wants to appease the haters, at the expense of the dudes who masturbated to her music videos back in the day? Like, Google her name + nude: there are, like, hundreds of images of her face Photoshopped onto nude chicks being nude or getting banged in the ass. The dudes who made those images spent a lot of time doing that out of love for her, and the desire to see her nude or banged in the ass, and now she is just tossing them aside like abused kleenex. That's fucked up. I mean, they spent hours trying to find just the right naked chick to put her face on, trying their best to match what they hope she looks like nude. Because they didn't Photoshop her face onto any, like, fat chicks, right? They didn't stick her face on any tattooed nose-ring skank that looks like a crack-whore with a banged-up vagina and shit. Regarding the tattooed nose-ring skank crack-whore -- I don't mean any offense to any tattooed nose-ring skank crack

"Imagine being the last boy in the group. All the others have crossed. You are afraid and you know it's a bad idea, but it seems you have to do it now. You've just got to go. Your only life is on the other side of that road and you've got to get to it or you have no life." This, like ties into yesterday's post on chicks and sex cults and shit. What Althouse is describing is the Cult of Boys. When you're a boy-dude you gotta keep up with the other boy-dudes, or you're a pussy. I don't mean any disrespect to women by saying 'pussy', I just mean it in the way a boy-dude says it before he, like, gets older and gets the urge to put his dick in pussies. Because at that point he now means 'pussies' as chicks' lunch-boxes, he doesn't mean 'pussy' as meaning 'gay' like when he was younger. No offense to gay dudes, either, I should've used another word, like one that means 'fag' if you were still able t

I was going to say something about chicks having a right to fuck up their lives just like men, but then maybe for men fucking shit up is a right but for women it's a privilege. Yeah, I got that far, and then got confused and shit on how I was going to explain myself on that one, so I kinda stopped there. Sorry. But I think there's something in chicks' wiring about being drawn to, like, cults and shit. Again, I was going to try to elaborate on this some, but realized that basically all I needed to say was 'daddy issues', because that's it, pretty much. And chicks hate when you say that a lot of chicks have daddy issues, because they think that means there's something wrong with them, and you're like, being patriarchal and shit. And then they go on to prove that they don't have daddy issues by going on about crazy feminist shit and fishes and bicycles and why they could be really good at math and computer programming if, like, they wanted to. The

On the "If there is, like, a science reason behind this, that would be cool" post was, like, a comment that totally rocked: "I think it would be worse to get sucked down that tiny shitter hole that has suckage powerful enough to take the giant Philly cheese steak, beer, and beer nuts from LGA a couple of days ago. Imagine how powerful it is when engine schrapnel is flying around. You can only hope that the chick you’re banging with the large ass is the first to go so that you have a chance to escape while the shitter digests. Here’s the equation for the science: (‿ˠ‿) = ∞  - Krumhorn" You commenter dudes and chicks are definitely cool and shit.

I get it -- mansplaining is bad -- but sometimes a man's explanation is, like, needed because chicks don't get it sometimes. Because chicks think all men mostly think about is sex, and they're right, but they don't understand how men think when they think about sex. Like, the two biggest emotions a dude can have are really wanting to bang a chick, and getting betrayed by a chick you banged going off and banging some other dude. I mean, there are some other emotions probably, but those two are the ones that make you do great things, or cause you to end up in jail. So this thinking is, like, about sex, but everything is about sex to a dude, so you think that way about things that aren't even directly about sex. I hope that makes sense to the chicks out there, I'm trying to help you, not call you, like, dumb or anything, it's just that you're not a dude, even if you're one of those chicks who thinks she's really a dude inside and shit. Anyway,

I don't know, I'm not the smartest guy about politics, I pretty much just want to not have government jump my shit. But it seems like voting doesn't much matter anymore because, like, lawyers or judges will just get involved and decide what they're going to decide anyway. And if it doesn't get decided their way they'll decide that they need to decide again, it just is going to take a little longer. At some point all of this political legal shit just becomes like a whore suing because a dude blew his load in her mouth. Or his mouth, because there are gay dude whores too, I don't mean to sound misogynistic or shit. But, like, that's what you do, you let guys blow their load in your mouth in exchange for money. And letting guys blow their load in your mouth in exchange for money is, like, prostitution and shit, so it's already illegal, but you're going to sue anyway, because if something doesn't go your way you feel like you need to sue some

I've been thinking about this a little more, because even when I click over to 4chan I'm still thinking sometimes, and I figure it's hard to watch people make bad choices, because watching people fuck up sucks, unless it's, like, funny and shit and someone filmed it and put it on the internet. Because then, even if you made a bad choice, you still might get famous. I mean, it worked for Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian, right? I think a lot of people would say that them making a sex tape was a bad choice, but it did kinda make them stars and shit, and that seems to be how America works now, you fuck up in the right way and everything's cool if you're, like, hot and look good naked. If you're not hot though, then the bad choices can really fuck you up, because not very many ugly people get famous from a sex tape, people don't want to watch that shit. But if the government decides it's not going to let you make bad choices then you really don'

I know a lot of people that get stoned, it's not hard to say that in Seattle. Some of these people are cool, some are retarded and shit, but the people I know that don't get stoned are like that too, so I don't really think about it much. And I once got to fuck a chick because she was pissed off at her deadbeat boyfriend for being stoned so much and not, like, cleaning his dishes and shit, so that kinda worked out for me. And really, I wish I met more chicks who had sex with dudes because they were pissed off at their boyfriends, that would make my life easier I think. My problem is that, when the government decides that you're doing something bad, they can get all epic on your ass. Like, twenty-five years ago on this day the government decided that some religious nuts were doing something bad, so they ran their house over with tanks and set them on fire and shit. And, like, I'm still not sure exactly what was so bad that they were doing. Or at least so bad th

So, like you can't put up a painting of some fat chick from the 1800s now without someone being offended? Because, in most of the famous paintings of nude chicks that I've seen, the chicks just aren't that hot. And if they're not that hot then it must be art, because why else would you paint them? Maybe the fat chicks were considered hot then, things change, but even their faces aren't real pretty, so, again, I think that means art. Because if hot naked chicks are art, then 4chan is, like, a museum. And maybe pictures of chicks spreading their ass cheeks and showing their assholes is, like, a statement about some important shit. I mean, maybe it's a thing about that Male Gaze shit: like, a chick says, "you want to see me naked, then here, look at my asshole." Because in most of those photos you can't even see their tits. But chicks don't get that naked is naked to a dude. And maybe that guy who splattered paint for his pictures was on t

You know, maybe the safest place in a plane when an engine blows up and shit is to be locked in one of the bathrooms while you're banging a chick. Because you're behind a closed door, so you probably won't get sucked out of the hole in the plane, and you're banging a chick, and that's usually pretty always good. If there is, like, a science reason behind this, that would be cool.

"Absolutely pathetic. It's really a wonder we've kept the idea of freedom of speech." I'm no lawyer, but I liked when Sheriff Taylor became Matlock, so it isn't that I hate all lawyers or anything. It just would be cool if more of them were like Matlock, that's all. Anyway, this Fresno professor chick is an employee, right? I thought freedom of speech didn't extend to a boss having to put up with all your shit. There's probably, like, exceptions and shit, but my understanding is that bosses can fire people for being assholes, that's one of the good things about being boss. My guess is it depends on what kind of asshole you are, because some assholes are probably more protected because they've been oppressed, maybe: that seems to get you out of a lot of things, I think, being oppressed is kinda like tenure that way. But, like, Althouse can delete comments, right? There isn't a right to free speech here because it's her place, s

Several Starbucks in Seattle have, like, locked bathrooms to keep out the homeless and and the ave rat kids. I was at one on University Ave when a young homeless dude was making a scene about wanting to use the bathroom. Several people sitting there were, like, saying 'just let him use the bathroom'. So they let him use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, then left with wet hair. A little bit later a customer comes to the counter after going into the bathroom and says the bathroom is, like, awful. A mess in the sink, shit in an unflushed toilet. The manager then has one of the employees go to clean it up, which he obviously isn't looking forward to doing: he's probably thinking, like, you let the dude in there, you go clean it up. All the people who were saying 'just let him use the bathroom' were keeping their mouth shut. Pussies.

I don't know, I'm not like an architect dude or nothing, but the church building in the pictures makes me think of something from a Seventies science-fiction movie, like this is the Hall of State Belief that dudes in silver body suits walk in and out of in the background as, like, John Saxon talks with a chick in a silver mini-skirt. And there is probably a powerful computer in there that runs things, because God is a computer in a lot of Seventies science-fiction movies, when the computer isn't raping and impregnating a chick and shit like in 'Demon Seed'. I mean, in 'Logan's Run' a computer runs the city, and gets people to kill other people when they turn thirty, but most people are okay with that because until they are thirty they get to fuck a lot of chicks, it's the future and chicks are pretty loose and like sex and shit. Back then there was always a Wizard of Oz behind the curtain, and the Wizard was a super-computer that probably could

Back when I was in college I had a professor who was a lesbian who preferred to be called by her first name. I didn't think her being a lesbian was, like, a big deal or nothing, she just told us because she said it enabled her to provide a different context for how to view our subject and shit, and that that was a good thing. And maybe it did provide a different context, and maybe I think of things like a lesbian now, sometimes, I don't know. So maybe college was good for that. She was pretty good-looking, too, but it wasn't like I dreamed about her eating another chick's lunchbox or anything, I have a hard time picturing smart people, like, having sex and shit, I just have trouble imagining them fucking without thinking too hard about it. Anyway, I figured she was a feminist, but maybe I was wrong, maybe she was just a lesbian who liked chicks, that's all. I mean, feminism is a lot different now, I think: I used to figure it was just about chicks being equal

Barbara Bush was kinda before my time, but she seems like she was a nice lady and all that. When I first saw her she was already, like, grandma old, and grandmas are usually pretty cool and shit. Like, my grandmother would always have my favorite ice cream in the freezer at their house when we came to visit, and I remember that sometimes she would fall asleep in her recliner with an open book on her lap. But it's weird when you only know people as old people. Because she was young once, too, pretty much every old person was at sometime or another. And things were probably a lot different for a young chick back then: I mean, even if they had the internet when she was young I can't really picture Barbara Bush posting pictures of herself spreading her ass cheeks and showing her asshole, that just doesn't seem like her, as far as I know. Like, I bet if she ever did anal it was only after she was married, and probably on a special occasion, like an anniversary or shit. But n

So I clicked back to Althouse after checking out shit on 4chan, and I see she is back from a road trip. And, like, I think the road trip is one of the best things about America. I mean, I think the GPS shit takes some of the fun out of it now, you don't, like, have a big blue paper map all folded ass-backwards and you got the dome light on to try to see where the hell you are because it's dark and shit, but it's still pretty cool, even if you're not in a 1973 Ford Pinto with the fucked up interior and the glovebox door that won't stay closed. Anyway, Kerouac wrote some cool shit about road trips, but reading about her going to Texas makes me think of the road trip in 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.' Like, the film is about these kids on a road trip to a concert or something, it was the Seventies so it was probably some shit like Foghat. But the van breaks down in the middle of Buttfuck, Texas, and they go off to try to find help, because they didn't

"By the way, the Trump family attorneys have stated in writing that Barron Trump is not autistic. And I know nothing more than that. Only what Harder wrote." Wow, dude. You thought this was worth writing, so you wrote it, and then you hit Publish so other people could see what you wrote. And you drag a dude's kid into snarky passive-aggressive innuendo bullshit, and no doubt if you are called on it you'll just say some shit like "I'm only saying what the dude's lawyer said." Fuck, dude: were you, like, molested as a kid? Because your anger seems like the kind that comes from shame and doubt. And by feeling only anger you're not allowing yourself to be afraid or lonely or shit, which isn't healthy. It probably even causes cancer testicles, I bet. So now you figure small boys are fair game for shit, because no one was there to protect you when you needed it, and you resent those who get to grow up free of that pain: I get it. But dude

Whenever Althouse brings up the 'Cat Person' thing I can't help but think of the film 'Cat People', because Nastassja Kinski was hot, and she was naked in that film a lot, so it was a pretty good movie that way. It's kinda the way 'Fast Times At Ridgemont High' was a good movie because Phoebe Cates showed her tits in slow motion. Sean Penn was in that movie playing a stoner, and that was cool, too, it was back before he pretty much sucked. Anyway, the movie 'Cat People' also had that title song by David Bowie, which was pretty fucking cool, because Bowie was cool, and he is, like, really very Bowie in that song. And the song has the lyric "I've been putting out fire / With gasoline", which is pretty cool, too. Because you got a hot Euro chick naked in a movie where David Bowie sings about fire and gasoline and shit, you can't get much better than that. But what it makes me think of now is how Trump deals with shit: the dud

I don't know, but sometimes I think that when someone complains that something else is like the Mafia they're, like, really only talking about The Godfather and The Sopranos and shit. Because they make it seem like this shit is all gangsta, but it really is only movie gangsta. Because if it was really the real Mafia then you'd be all worried about getting killed and shit, but you're really talking about the movie mafia, and they're bad-ass but it's only movie bad-ass, not the real get-you-killed bad-ass. And it makes you seem like you're all heroic and shit, because you're standing up to the Mafia. But it's not like Martin Scorsese is going to put a hit on you or nothing, you're just being like some white suburban kid trying to act all pimp because he listens to Ski Mask The Slump God. So, basically, when they're talking about the mafia they're being all Vanilla Ice, going on about rolling in his 5.0 and waxing chumps like a candle.

"Why is a 29-point gap considered only "slightly larger" than an 18-point gap?" Like, if points were centimeters then 18 points would be 7 inches, and 29 centimeters would be, like, 11-and-a-half inches. So if you were talking about the difference between a 7-inch cock and a cock that was 11-and-a-half inches you'd be talking about quite a difference. I mean, even chicks would get this math. Because an 11-and-a-half inch cock is pretty big, even for a porn star and shit.

So I was reading shit on 4chan, and then Althouse, and then I ended up on Wiki, because that's how the internet works. Anyway, I ended up reading this: "The shadow government (cryptocracy, secret government, or invisible government) is a family of conspiracy theories based on the notion that real and actual political power resides not with publicly elected representatives but with private individuals who are exercising power behind the scenes, beyond the scrutiny of democratic institutions. According to this belief, the official elected government is subservient to the shadow government which is the true executive power." And Wiki titles it "Shadow government (conspiracy)". Like, if you believe shit is happening beyond the scrutiny of democratic institutions you're, like, a conspiracy freak. And I dig reading about the Masons and the Bilderberg Group and the Illuminati and shit, but sometimes a conspiracy is pretty much just like the clique of cool gir

There was a movie I saw a few years back called 'Happiness' I think. And no one was really happy in that movie, so I think the name was ironic, at least in the way that Alanis Morrisette used it, maybe. In the movie there's this creepy father dude who is a child molester. I mean, all child molesters are creepy, I get it, but he wasn't creepy in a John Wayne Gacy way, he was a quiet kind of creepy, which sometimes is creepier. Anyway, he bangs his young son's friend, and the son finds out, and now the son is sad because he wonders why his dad would choose to bang his friend instead of him, like maybe he loved his friend better. And this makes the dad sad and shit, that he hurt his son by banging his friend in the ass. And Comey reminds me of the father dude. Not that he is a child molester, maybe, because no one has said that yet, but he's creepy in the same passive sensitive-bitch way. So Comey starts talking about his feelings and the law and shit, and

I think the problem with a lot of modern rap isn't that it's misogynistic, it's that it's misogynistic in a bad way. Back in the day, rap might have been misogynistic, but it still had some innocence to it, it was just dudes that didn't quite get it yet. But now the rap dudes say they get it, but they still do that shit, so now the misogyny is hypocritical, which makes it bad misogyny. And now it isn't even just rap dudes that do the bad misogyny, rap chicks do it, too. Like, look at Cardi B: she talks shit about other women being bitches just like the rap dudes do, she makes Kanye look Woke. I'm not saying Kanye is a misogynist because he married Kim Kardashian, but I think you have to have a lot of hate towards women to think she's your soul mate, she's who you fuck if you hate women but don't want to do the gay sex. Like I said, back in the day it was different and shit. Ice-T would call chicks hos, but that was because he was a certif

I gotta admit, I din't get this 'Diamond and Silk' thing before, I just figured by the names that they were strippers. I mean, I had heard that they were black, but black chicks can be strippers, too, it just isn't all white chicks who grew up with fucked-up parents. Then I saw them, and I still gotta say, I don't quite get it, they're just a couple of black chicks being funny. But it's probably hard to be a black chick today and try to be funny I guess, because they can't just be funny, they gotta be black, too, and they gotta be black in the right way or it pisses a lot of people off. Because now you can't tell black jokes unless you're black, and if you're black you can't tell black jokes either, unless they are the right kind of black jokes. And a lot of those jokes that are the right kind of black jokes aren't really that funny to me, but that's probably because I'm white, and I don't think I'm supposed to be

I guess I get it, not every chick can have eyebrows like Nasim Najafi Aghdam, but the microbladed chicks always look funny to me, because you can't tell what facial expression they really have, sometimes it seems the eyebrows are doing one thing and the rest of their face is doing another. I remember my grandfather used to have these framed posters in his condo by some 80s dude named Nagel, and this Nagel dude drew these 80s chicks who always had these, like, 80s eyebrows, and that's what I think of when I see these chicks with the eyebrow tattoos, I think of those framed posters in my grandfather's condo. The pictures seemed really sexy back then, even though you didn't see, like, tits or anything. Maybe he couldn't draw tits well, I don't know, but I think he was just trying to be classy and shit. But the chicks definitely look 80s. The chicks in 80s copies of Playboy looked 80s, too, but it was a different kind of 80s look, they had, like, bigger hair, an

When I was a freshman in high school there was a cute little blonde cheerleader I had a crush on, because I was in high school and she was cute and blonde and a cheerleader. She was always smiling, even in math class, which was kinda weird, but she was good at math. Which doesn't seem fair, that she was cute and blonde and a cheerleader and good at math, that's the kind of high school girl who is gonna date a college dude. Probably a college dude who would wear a black Members Only jacket and smell of Polo. Anyway, she would do that thing where she would play with the eraser end of her pencil against her lower lip, and it was like she didn't even know she was doing it, it was like she didn't know that any dude seeing that didn't see the pencil as a pencil anymore. And she always had to re-tie her shoes a lot. I don't know if she just wasn't good at tying her shoes, or maybe she needed the laces just right, some chicks are like that about things, but sh

The quote says "there are, in fact, almost two trillion ways to lace a shoe with six pairs of eyelets," which sounds pretty wrong to me, but I guess if you have a long enough shoelace maybe the math adds up. Because if the shoelace is endless then you get into all that infinity shit where math doesn't even have to add up right. I mean, they say Pi doesn't have an end decimal, it just keeps going and going. But if a number doesn't end then how can it really be a number? Because, like, the number 'two' is the answer to 'one plus one', but what two numbers even add up to Pi? See what I mean? It's bullshit calling it a number. It's like when they put accents and umlauts and hats and shit on top of letters -- they're not even that letter anymore, they're a letter with a fucking hat. So maybe Pi is just a number three with, like, an accent or umlaut or hat or shit, that would at least make more sense. I have a hard time trying to un

Yesterday Althouse had the headline "“His robe opened... He smelled like cigar and espresso and his body odor.” And that sounded kinda cool, a dude in his robe, smoking cigars and drinking espressos, it seems kinda laid back in a Fifties Dude way. I mean, the dude has body odor, which isn't usually good, but that's probably because he's still in his robe, he hasn't splashed on the Old Spice yet. I remember my grandfather had a cologne on his dresser back in the day, it was Jovan Musk. I didn't know what musk was back then, but then I don't think I know exactly what musk is now, really, I just know it smelled like my grandfather. Back then my grandfather also wore a cool red Members Only jacket, it fucking rocked. I mean, he was my grandfather, so he was old, but when we'd all go out to Black Angus for dinner he looked like a player. Like, he'd flirt with the waitresses and shit, but that was OK because my grandmother was dead at the time. It&#

I'm not a sociologist or anything, but isn't human nature that, when we see two things side-by-side, we automatically try to determine which one is better? I mean, if there are two donuts on a plate we pretty much evaluate which one is the better donut, even if we end up eating both of them. And sometimes the decision is obvious: you got a killer maple bar sitting next to some deflated vegan non-gluten thing with a hole in it, you leave the deflated vegan non-gluten thing with a hole in it for the next dude, sorry. But sometimes the two things are hard to decide between, and that is what happens when you are looking at two chicks. Because maybe one is blonde with a navel ring, but the brunette chick has killer tits. It's like they are both maple bars, really. In a porn film you'd get both of them, with one sucking your cock while the other licks your balls, but that doesn't happen in real life unless you're rich, or a gay dude in Seattle. Because a gay dud

I think I get it: rich dudes want to be dominated by dominatrix chicks because with other chicks they have all the power, because they got the money, so if the dude says he wants anal the chick gives him anal, because then she gets, like, a new Gucci bag or some shit. And he probably didn't even really want the anal, he just wanted to show that he could get it if he wanted it, even if he really wasn't wanting it much. So the dominatrix flips this around on him, and he gets to be with a chick who treats him like the pathetic asshole he was before he made the big money and became a pathetic asshole who's rich. But he still knows he's in control: he's paying her, she isn't doing this for free. So he might get a bruise here or there, but, like, he isn't with some meth chick who'll slice him with a kitchen knife because she wants to see all the tiny spiders come out, he's got a safe-word and shit. And the dude's actually still pathetic, because

I was on 4chan checking out the chicks spreading their ass cheeks and showing their assholes, when I came back to Althouse to catch up on her shit, because sometimes checking out chicks spreading their ass cheeks and showing their assholes makes me feel kind of depressed after a while, I'm not sure why. So I read about the homeless living in people's backyards, and I read about the Cosby rape shit, and I realize something: celebrities and the homeless are pretty much the same people. Because when you're crazy and fucked up, and shit doesn't go your way, you're homeless, but when you're crazy and fucked up and have a talent people like, or have great tits, then you're, like, an artist on YouTube or a model on Instagram, and crazy and fucked up just show how much of a true artist you are. So, basically, society let's you be crazy if you're poor enough, or rich enough, but if you're rich enough then they want to watch. Like, look at celebrities

So now you got a tiny little house in your backyard, and the city hooks you up with a homeless person to live in it. I think they mean well, but a lot of shit can go sideways with this, because a lot of homeless people aren't good at making lifestyle choices. Like, they're in the back looking at child porn by using your WiFi, and now the FBI is knocking down your door at four in the morning and shit, when it was the dude in the back who was whacking off to twelve-year-old girls who just thought the creepy old molester-guy was going to give them free candy. Or a crack-whore moves in, but she's off the crack and maybe she even got her teeth fixed some, and now she's kinda hot, and so you got a kinda hot crack-whore who doesn't do crack anymore living behind you, and maybe your wife isn't home a lot, and pretty soon you're the homeless dude because your wife just kicked your ass out the door for fucking the kinda hot crack-whore who doesn't do crack any

So, like, they're shutting down the parts of the internet where prostitutes could get their gig on, which means that the shit ends up back on the streets. Like, was there a pimp lobby pushing that shit? Because I don't see why you don't just let people work their work and, like, worry about North Korea instead, maybe. But I can see where this might be going. Hos are always going to need pimps, and while some pimps are bad-ass and cool there are a lot of them who are just bad people, I bet, they don't even make rap albums. Because Ice-T did a song called "Somebody Gotta Do It (Pimpin' Ain't Easy!!!)", which was pretty bad-ass and cool, and then he got to be a cop on a TV show and sell lemonade and shit, the dude's got skills. So anyway I'm thinking the answer is going to be the government stepping into the pimp business. Like, a prostitute gets her whore license, and she gets, like, a parole officer, except the parole officer is a pimp, wh

People talk about 4chan being racist sometimes, and it is, people talk shit then other people talk shit about the people talking shit, which is pretty much America, I think. But then you read the shit on smart-people websites where people are supposed to be smarter than that, and it's even more racist I think, because they just don't come out and say it, they couch it in, like, Woke shit and make it sound smart. Like, there may be a picture of a white chick spreading her ass cheeks and showing her asshole, and a dude might comment that he's black but he sure loves them white women showing their assholes. And then people will try to jump his shit, saying he shouldn't be looking at the white chicks that way, then their shit gets jumped because black dudes can look at any nude chick's asshole that they want, it's in the Constitution now. But on the smart websites people say that black people can only like certain things, or then, like, they're not black a

I was reading some shit about the movie 'Chappaquiddick' and it got me to thinking how shit goes sideways in life, but if it didn't go sideways and it just went straight it could be even worse. Like, Chappaquiddick sucked for Mary Jo. You're thinking you're hanging out with a rich guy who is going to be President of the United States and shit, life's cool, and then you're upside-down in the water and the fucker takes off. So you're there in the water, it's probably all dark and cold and shit, and you're thinking help's on it's way, it'll be here anytime now, but then you realize that Ted Kennedy is a dick and you're fucked. And Ted, he doesn't get to be President now. Which was probably a good thing for America, really, because a drunk-ass alcoholic President could've fucked all kinds of shit up. Like, he could've woken up from a three-day gin-binge and his aides would have to tell him that he nuked Cuba, because h

It's kinda sad, really: this Pope is starting to sound like one of those guys on 4chan who goes on and on talking all this weird blah blah blah about religion and the universe and shit, but that's on 4chan and that dude is probably righteously stoned, he isn't the fucking Pope talking his Pope shit. I mean, this is like Obi Wan saying, like, there really isn't a Dark Side of the Force, that's just some shit Yoda made up. The Pope is supposed to be to Catholics what William Shatner was to Star Trek, okay? I mean, if you want to make Sulu gay, fine, but don't go fucking with the big stuff. Like, if I'm on 4chan looking at some chicks spreading their ass cheeks and showing their assholes, I kinda can think the Devil is making me like this shit, that is something the Devil would do. So if there is no Devil that means I just like that shit, and maybe that makes me not a good guy, even though I try to be nice to people and not be an asshole. But by saying th

There was a movie with Natalie Portman where she was a stripper with a blue wig. But she really didn't get naked, even though she was a stripper in the movie, so the movie wasn't very good. Because if she isn't getting naked then why did you bother to make her a stripper, it doesn't make sense.  Like, I wasn't expecting her to be spreading her ass cheeks and showing her asshole, but there weren't even any naked tits, okay? But she did look kinda anime, now that I think about it. And the guys on 4chan love her, even the ones that say they hate the Jews. Because she was in 'Star Wars', and she was also in that film with the bad-ass French hit-man, and she was pretty hot in that, even though she was, like, twelve. I mean, Hollywood, you're making the twelve-year-old girl sing Madonna's 'Like a Virgin' and being all hot and shit? Like, I read 4chan, but even then I still see that as kinda wrong. But Natalie Portman has those big eyes, and

On 4chan you can see a lot of pictures of Asian chicks with their hair dyed all different colors, it's pretty nice. And it's a pretty good place for them to be seen: a lot of dudes on 4chan have a thing for anime, so they like the Japanese chicks, even if most of the cute anime-looking Japanese chicks aren't posting pictures of themselves spreading their ass cheeks and showing their assholes. But there are anime cartoons of anime chicks doing that, so that is good, and some of them get into that weird-ass Japanese tentacle shit, which is pretty weird-ass, I think, but a lot of people like it I guess, so who am I to say. So I was reading around on the Internet, and I came across this: "Anime Hair Colors: Do They Carry Any Significant Meaning In Japanese Culture?" And it has, like, the following: "Keep in mind that anime follows a complex visual language, where seemingly innocuous elements carry deeper meaning. And hair color is among the first and fo

A little earlier I said: "So I think the concept of mutually satisfactory hetero sex is feminist myth shit, pretty much. I mean, men and women and sex: the parts fit together right, but the thoughts sure don't." and "So hetero sex isn't about satisfaction, it's about making babies. Really, I think the only way you can get to mutually satisfactory sex is when it is two dudes." And since then it looks like this post has come down to which sex can say what to the other, and everything is spinsters and small penises. Which kinda makes my point, I think. If it wasn't for evolution giving us those biological urges to find the other sex attractive for fucking purposes then men and women would probably never give much of a shit about the other. We've spent thousands of years trying to sand down the edges, but, deep down, we'd probably be like the male cat that fucks the female cat for one hot screeching minute then leaves, never to be see