I'm On The Spectrum, Bitch.

I always thought the song was, like, Mick’s way of letting Keith know gently that, no, Mick was not going to fuck him and shit. Because if you can’t tell that Keith Richards is gay then you just don’t know how to look. I mean, straight men in their seventies don’t dress like a pirate unless they are actually a pirate, okay? So when Mick sings “I saw her today at the reception A glass of wine in her hand I knew she was gonna meet her connection” The ‘her’ is Keith, and Keith and Mick are at, like, some party or shit, and Keith’s looking for his drug dealer, because he’s not going to get to fuck Mick and now he needs some more drugs. Pretty obvious. Then Mick sings “But I went down to the demonstration To get your fair share of abuse Singing, "We're gonna vent our frustration If we don't we're gonna blow a fifty-amp fuse" And the ‘demonstration’ is a metaphor for the recording studio, where Keith is abusive of Mick because Mick isn’t rock-and-roll e...

So, like, I did a little research, because some of the gay dudes I know say all twinks are bottoms. And the first Google article has some twinks who say, no, that's a misconception and shit. But then Queerty actually did a survey of gay dudes, and they said, yeah, most twinks are bottoms. But I don't think all twinks are gay and shit. Because if you look at rock stars from back in the day, they all pretty much look like twinks, too. I mean, Mick Jagger: when he was young, he was pretty much a twink, and he wasn't, like, gay ALL the time. And David Bowie was a twink, and HE wasn't gay all the time. There is even that rumor that Jagger and Bowie fucked each other once, but I don't remember if it was ever said who was the bottom. I bet it was Bowie, but that's just a guess, really, maybe he and Jagger both took turns being bottoms and shit. Now, Freddie Mercury: he was pretty much gay all the time, but I don't think he was a twink, I don't think most ...

"Has anyone ever asked McCain if, like, when he was a prisoner of war, did any Viet Cong dude ever fuck him in the ass?" I bet, if it happened, it went something like this: "How you like war now, GI? How you like your war now, Big American Soldier Man?" "Stop fucking me in the ass, Viet Cong Prison Guard dude!" "I fuck you in the ass, GI! You bomb my people, and now I fuck you in the ass with the fury of a thousand napalm!" "I'm a soldier! You fucking me in the ass is, like, against the Geneva Convention and shit." "There is no protection for the Imperialist Mangy Dogs! I fuck you in the ass like mangy dog, Imperialist GI!" "Please stop fucking me in the ass, Viet Cong Prison Guard dude!" "You will not defeat the glorious revolution of the peoples! The revolution will not stop until all the Imperialist Mangy Dogs are fucked in the ass!" "It hurts! Even though your cock is small co...

Has anyone ever asked McCain if, like, when he was a prisoner of war, did any Viet Cong dude ever fuck him in the ass? Because that kind of shit happens to prisoners of war, I think. And I bet a Viet Cong dude would all be like, hey, I'm fucking an American soldier in the ass and shit. And not even because the Viet Cong dude's gay, just because he can do it, you know? Like, in prison men fuck other men in the ass all the time, but that doesn't mean they're gay, it's just different in prison, it's about establishing dominance, I think. And what could make a Viet Cong dude feel more dominant over evil America than fucking an American soldier in the ass? And McCain probably went over there thinking he'd be like a hero and shit, and instead he's getting fucked in the ass by a little Viet Cong dude, the little Viet Cong dude is fucking him and saying shit in Vietnamese, and McCain doesn't even know what the dude is saying, he just knows he's get...

There's a thing in movies and shit called 'The Magic Negro', you can look it up on Wikipedia. A lot of times it's Morgan Freeman, but it can be any black actor in a movie who is the projection of dreams, and, like, is better than the white people. Even Whoopi Goldberg played one in 'Ghost', back when Demi Moore was hot and not a mutant, and Patrick Swayze was cool, even if he wasn't anywhere near 'Roadhouse' cool. Anyway, all of this shit about John McCain makes me think of the Magic Negro, because, like, McCain is The Magic Republican: he's the Republican that people who don't like Republicans can point out and say "If more Republicans were like this i wouldn't hate all of them so much" -- you know, shit like that. But blacks don't like The Magic Negro because they know what white people are really doing with that shit, and that's what the liberals do with McCain -- he would, like, be the savior to conservatives if ...

Burt Lancaster in 'The Swimmer': this film is, like, 'Easy Rider' for affluent suburban dudes and shit. Except he doesn't get shot in the end. In the late Sixties and early Seventies the dudes had to get shot at the end to make it, like, true, because that shit happens, man. The most epic of this was Robert Blake in 'Elektra Glide in Blue', where the fucking hippies shoot him off his bike and he's dying in the middle of the highway and the camera keeps pulling back until he disappears in the distance of, like, Monument Valley, it fucking rocks. Shit happens at 1:50 and shit. Anyway, Burt Lancaster is a babe-magnet to all the chicks he comes across, like Peter Fonda is in 'Easy Rider', except Burt Lancaster is in swim trunks and Fonda is in that bad-ass leather jacket with the American Flag on the back. And, like, they are both finding out about America and themselves, except the old dude is really just in the suburbs. It's like the two ...

"our favorite characters are unrelentingly tortured — electrocuted with cattle prods, kicked, threatened with dogs, chained to a gas stove and burned, left alive on a gallows covered with urine." This does kinda sound like harsh shit, but it's, like, a corollary of Internet Rule 34: if it's on video and involves a chick, some dude somewhere will masturbate to it. It's just how media works, if it can't get chicks outraged and dudes masturbating then it isn't doing the job. But "The Handmaid’s Tale" is, like, for chicks to masturbate their feminist clit. Because a lot of chicks feel the most represented in art when they are a victim, like, getting electrocuted with cattle prods. I mean, most of the time the cattle prods are like a metaphor and shit, but sometimes you need a real cattle prod to make your shit obvious. It's kinda like how chicks get Oscars for portraying hookers: because all chicks are hookers and being electrocuted by catt...

Shit, I was just thinking about chicks' eyelashes recently and then here it is as a subject on Althouse, it's funny how that shit works out. Like, there's the internet we read, and then there's the internet in our minds -- shit like that. Anyway, here is the chick who got me thinking about eyelashes: the foto at a clickbait site, but the foto is, like, good and shit, it's okay. I mean, she's a cute chick, and I can say that without being creepy and shit because she's eighteen, I think. And those eyelashes are pretty sweet, even if they're fake and shit, because they get the demure coquettish thing going on with her downward gaze and smile. I think I may have mentioned it before, but I like the photos best where a chick isn't trying to make eye contact with you through the camera, that shit makes me agitated and shit, so that's good, too. And I read where she liked the dress because it was modest, which is cool, but modest must mean somethin...

So I was reading an Althouse post on some ad she got emailed, and the ad was of an old lady being groovy in the way old ladies in ads sometimes do. Anyway, Althouse wrote this: " And I've got to admit that it's just about  exactly  how I pictured the myself as an old lady when I was 19 years old." And, like, this gave me an idea and shit, but my buddy Laslo beat me to it. So anyway, here's a pic of young Althouse imagining herself as a groovy old lady...

I don't know, but maybe the mentality of slaves came from, like, a culture that kidnapped and imprisoned their own people and sold them as slaves and shit. So even when they were brought to a new land, they thought of themselves as slaves because that was their first culture and it just was how shit was. I mean, that's fucked up and shit, but I think that maybe that's kinda Kanye's point: they were already, like, imprisoned in their minds, and they couldn't comprehend how things could be different, no matter where they ended up. Because when you're not treated as human, it can be hard to understand what being human is. And maybe it didn't make sense to them until they were put in a culture where the discrepancy between being a slave and not being a slave was, like, really fucking obvious. And then maybe the biggest turning point was the slave-owners teaching the slaves Christianity and shit. Because, even if you're being told you're a slave, yo...

"It is cool to be able to hear playback at home that is drastically better than it would be if it was played at the studio where the tracks were mixed." I kinda get that, but then you get into what you are adding to the experience that the artist didn't intend and shit. Like, the artists and producers mixed and EQ'ed and shit to the sound they heard from their studio monitors, and maybe now you can hear that crisp sha-ching of a hi-hat better, but maybe you're now hearing it more than intended and it's driving you nuts, like, why the fuck is that hi-hat like that, it's bugging the shit out of me, but it wasn't that way when it was on the studio monitors, technology is now, like, ear-fucking you and shit. There was a lot of music back in the day that was mixed for mono, but then they would half-ass a stereo mix because some people were starting to buy stereos then. And the mono mixes usually kicked ass, because that was how they intended them to b...

So I'm reading this post, and I see Althouse say this: "The female performance was much more successful than what I would guess Sanders prefers — showing himself as a nonconforming male." And last night she said this: "That said, Vox deserved to be in the bottom 3. Virtel ranked her 9th, and she chose to sing "Circle of Life." So I wrote this: 'Which sounds reasonable, but I'm not quite sure how you introduce yourself to someone by saying 'should I call you a dude or a chick?' , without sounding like you're trying to be a dick.</a> So, today he's a 'himself,' while yesterday he was a 'her' and a 'she' and shit. Which kinda goes to the point I wrote in the link: the guidelines for figuring out pronouns and shit now is way fucked up. So I'm thinking maybe what I wrote influenced Althouse's pronoun decision today, but then I figure that can't be it, I'm not even sure what I sai...