I'm On The Spectrum, Bitch.

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Because if you look at rock stars from back in the day, they all pretty much look like twinks, too.

So, like, I did a little research, because some of the gay dudes I know say all twinks are bottoms. And the first Google article has some twinks who say, no, that's a misconception and shit. But then Queerty actually did a survey of gay dudes, and they said, yeah, most twinks are bottoms. But I don't think all twinks are gay and shit. Because if you look at rock stars from back in the day, they all pretty much look like twinks, too. I mean, Mick Jagger: when he was young, he was pretty much a twink, and he wasn't, like, gay ALL the time. And David Bowie was a twink, and HE wasn't gay all the time. There is even that rumor that Jagger and Bowie fucked each other once, but I don't remember if it was ever said who was the bottom. I bet it was Bowie, but that's just a guess, really, maybe he and Jagger both took turns being bottoms and shit. Now, Freddie Mercury: he was pretty much gay all the time, but I don't think he was a twink, I don't think most

"You no hero, GI, you my Jane Fonda! You my Jane Fonda bitch!"

"Has anyone ever asked McCain if, like, when he was a prisoner of war, did any Viet Cong dude ever fuck him in the ass?" I bet, if it happened, it went something like this: "How you like war now, GI? How you like your war now, Big American Soldier Man?" "Stop fucking me in the ass, Viet Cong Prison Guard dude!" "I fuck you in the ass, GI! You bomb my people, and now I fuck you in the ass with the fury of a thousand napalm!" "I'm a soldier! You fucking me in the ass is, like, against the Geneva Convention and shit." "There is no protection for the Imperialist Mangy Dogs! I fuck you in the ass like mangy dog, Imperialist GI!" "Please stop fucking me in the ass, Viet Cong Prison Guard dude!" "You will not defeat the glorious revolution of the peoples! The revolution will not stop until all the Imperialist Mangy Dogs are fucked in the ass!" "It hurts! Even though your cock is small co

He's gotta have a lot of suppressed anger, because he's spent the rest of his life being afraid to say, yes, I got fucked in the ass in Viet Nam, and it sucked.

Has anyone ever asked McCain if, like, when he was a prisoner of war, did any Viet Cong dude ever fuck him in the ass? Because that kind of shit happens to prisoners of war, I think. And I bet a Viet Cong dude would all be like, hey, I'm fucking an American soldier in the ass and shit. And not even because the Viet Cong dude's gay, just because he can do it, you know? Like, in prison men fuck other men in the ass all the time, but that doesn't mean they're gay, it's just different in prison, it's about establishing dominance, I think. And what could make a Viet Cong dude feel more dominant over evil America than fucking an American soldier in the ass? And McCain probably went over there thinking he'd be like a hero and shit, and instead he's getting fucked in the ass by a little Viet Cong dude, the little Viet Cong dude is fucking him and saying shit in Vietnamese, and McCain doesn't even know what the dude is saying, he just knows he's get

Which isn't a cool way to go out, dude: the liberals may pour a 40 for you after you die, but it ain't like they're going to get your name tattooed on them and shit, you know?

There's a thing in movies and shit called 'The Magic Negro', you can look it up on Wikipedia. A lot of times it's Morgan Freeman, but it can be any black actor in a movie who is the projection of dreams, and, like, is better than the white people. Even Whoopi Goldberg played one in 'Ghost', back when Demi Moore was hot and not a mutant, and Patrick Swayze was cool, even if he wasn't anywhere near 'Roadhouse' cool. Anyway, all of this shit about John McCain makes me think of the Magic Negro, because, like, McCain is The Magic Republican: he's the Republican that people who don't like Republicans can point out and say "If more Republicans were like this i wouldn't hate all of them so much" -- you know, shit like that. But blacks don't like The Magic Negro because they know what white people are really doing with that shit, and that's what the liberals do with McCain -- he would, like, be the savior to conservatives if

Anyway, Burt Lancaster is a babe-magnet to all the chicks he comes across, like Peter Fonda is in 'Easy Rider', except Burt Lancaster is in swim trunks and Fonda is in that bad-ass leather jacket with the American Flag on the back.

Burt Lancaster in 'The Swimmer': this film is, like, 'Easy Rider' for affluent suburban dudes and shit. Except he doesn't get shot in the end. In the late Sixties and early Seventies the dudes had to get shot at the end to make it, like, true, because that shit happens, man. The most epic of this was Robert Blake in 'Elektra Glide in Blue', where the fucking hippies shoot him off his bike and he's dying in the middle of the highway and the camera keeps pulling back until he disappears in the distance of, like, Monument Valley, it fucking rocks. Shit happens at 1:50 and shit. Anyway, Burt Lancaster is a babe-magnet to all the chicks he comes across, like Peter Fonda is in 'Easy Rider', except Burt Lancaster is in swim trunks and Fonda is in that bad-ass leather jacket with the American Flag on the back. And, like, they are both finding out about America and themselves, except the old dude is really just in the suburbs. It's like the two

I mean, most of the time the cattle prods are like a metaphor and shit, but sometimes you need a real cattle prod to make your shit obvious.

"our favorite characters are unrelentingly tortured — electrocuted with cattle prods, kicked, threatened with dogs, chained to a gas stove and burned, left alive on a gallows covered with urine." This does kinda sound like harsh shit, but it's, like, a corollary of Internet Rule 34: if it's on video and involves a chick, some dude somewhere will masturbate to it. It's just how media works, if it can't get chicks outraged and dudes masturbating then it isn't doing the job. But "The Handmaid’s Tale" is, like, for chicks to masturbate their feminist clit. Because a lot of chicks feel the most represented in art when they are a victim, like, getting electrocuted with cattle prods. I mean, most of the time the cattle prods are like a metaphor and shit, but sometimes you need a real cattle prod to make your shit obvious. It's kinda like how chicks get Oscars for portraying hookers: because all chicks are hookers and being electrocuted by catt